Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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