We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
