hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
