Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I AM VODKA MAN
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
