Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
