Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish you could order shots online.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we're making bets on your personal life
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
