just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
