she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
