he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
