"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
...so i touched it.
my phone needs a breathalizer
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
