I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
