he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
