I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
