is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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