Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
