Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
