Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
