i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you never un-have a 4some
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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