forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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