Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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