Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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