The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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