I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I want her autograph on my taint
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
