This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
