Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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