Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
