im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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