i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
