you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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