I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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