I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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