Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
