she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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