Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
