I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
