So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We need to rekindle our bromance
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she told me i tasted like america
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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