Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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