I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
