his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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