Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
