I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
