Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
