So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think my fart just growled at me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
being pregnant is like rehab
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
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