I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
