you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
