the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
