Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We are all done wearing pants today
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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