8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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