good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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