he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
