worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
