I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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