in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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